Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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