my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
