I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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