At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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