well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
