i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
