Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
