a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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