Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
