My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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