Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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