I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
