What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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