I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
