I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
