doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
