yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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