no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
