Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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