Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
