I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i've created a new STD.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
