I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
