were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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