You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
