I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
