You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
