Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
