i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
