only you would photoshop your dick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was like giving head to a cactus.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I love you. Go after that dick
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
