your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
