trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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