Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
