I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
