so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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