I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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