If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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