id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
