Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
