So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
