I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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