She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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