Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
