I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
