Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
