mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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