Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
