I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
