If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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