By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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