I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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