It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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