I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
