mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
